Living in My Head

Twice in the last two days I have found myself driving in a mental state of complete disorientation. I nearly drove into traffic down a one way street in Santa Monica after a meditation class. Then, I made a bad U-turn into on coming traffic and nearly biffed. What a space cadet. Gotta watch what I'm doing.

I have a hard time "waking up" and "becoming mindful" and not "living in my head." The world is often a disappointing boring, uncomfortable place. Conversely, the dreamworld that I spend so much of my time living in is often safe and exiting . . . at least momentarily. For me, giving up "attachments" means giving up attachments to mental phenomenon, sexual and romantic fantasies, and other projections that dominate my thoughts like a heroin addiction.

I'm 22 and a virgin. My aunt told me I needed to go to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous because she read that some girls can get addicted to 50 Shades-style romance fiction at the expense of forming real relationships. Thank for the tip, Auntie May.

I am disappointed with the people around me. I feel in constant danger of my life becoming overrun by ordinary, dull, petty concerns. I was weak and unfocused as a teen and a college student. I wasted the time I had. Now I feel like the buzzer has gone off and I'm working on borrowed time. Isn't it time I grew up? My god I'm depressed.

Is it any wonder I like to linger in the bathtub, lost in day dreams and hallucinations? You would too if you were me.