A New Life

I am about to embark on a new life, A new chapter. A new movement. For the last year I have been kicking and screaming, like a child in a tantrum, not wanting to go forward. Hopefully this blog will help me in my work. I think my only chance of continuing to develop artistically is to better my physical health, sexual health, and of course, my biggest hurdle, psychological health.

My one great failure has been lack of balance and discipline. Can I write every day? Can I practice yoga every day? Can I really be a poet and prosper financially? Can I temper my intake of alcohol and other drugs? I have faced these challenges before and failed over and over again. Laziness, despair, and self hatred have always tripped me up.

And yet I have always been able, despite it all to go on. But in order to do more, I have to find balance in my life. To become a goddess, a mentor once told me, a woman must overcome herself...she must bend her emotions and escape her to overcome "habit." My habits are my tyrant and the tyrant must be overthrown.

I knew this a year ago, but I didn't act on this knowledge; I've had this information for a long time. I think I knew it when I was fifteen. I must be temperate and controlled in my life so that I can be intemperate and extraordinary in my art. My art is banal because my mind and body are distracted by ordinary excess (drugs, alcohol, internet.)   My biggest fear is one of identity. Too much of my identity is locked up in these petty habits. I am nothing more than what I do every day.

So every day, I will now write a blog.